Summer is in full swing, and if you’re from the tri-state area, you probably know what a summer down the shore is like. There’s nowhere quite like the Jersey Shore, especially in the months between Memorial Day and Labor Day. With this evaluation of New Jersey’s most popular shore towns, choose your next summer house destination.
Seaside
Seaside attracts the fans of the show Jersey Shore. People who spend their summers here have 2 personality traits: 1. Italian, 2. Spends summers at the Jersey Shore. They come from New York and claim their accents are Italian. They fake tan until they’re the color of Donald Trump, live by the motto “Gym. Tan. Laundry.”, and have probably made a tik tok lip syncing to Snooki’s iconic line “Where’s the beach!?” while running on the beach.
The Seaside is Point Pleasant but tackier. It's got all the same amenities. Clubs, beaches, a boardwalk, shopping, etc, but it still manages to acquire the nickname “Sleazeside”. It's not cheap to spend a summer here, yet everyone who does acts low class.
Point Pleasant
The point, in my opinion, is the best of the more touristy beach towns. It is not my beach of choice, but I can respect those of you who pick this town to rent a summer house.
Arnold Ave is home to some of the best restaurants and overpriced boutiques. If you’re into boardwalk games and rides, Jenkinson (often referred to as Jenks) is the spot for you. Not only is the boardwalk fun for kids but if you’re over the age of 21 and you check out Jenkinson’s Pavilion or Martell’s Tiki Bar, you’re bound to have a good time.
Wildwood
There’s nowhere quite like Wildwood. Something about the air in this town influences bad decisions and peer pressure. It's the place where teenage girls get haggled into piercing their belly buttons for a ridiculous price. And no, I’m not speaking from experience. After about an hour, the neon lights that line the boardwalk advertising shops will start to get to your head, and next thing you know you’ll be purchasing a pair of booty shorts that say “I LOVE CHICK FIL A” on the butt. No teenage boy has ever left the town without posting a group picture of him and his “boys” shirtless in front of the infamous beach balls and “WILDWOOD” sign. And they always caption it something like “We put the wild in Wildwood”.
Take this as you will, but if you ask me, bad decisions always create the best memories.
Ocean City
If you’ve ever worn a bikini on an Ocean City beach, you’ve probably experienced the death stare from a middle-aged woman whose husband is too busy giving you the “fuck me” eyes to notice his child is eating sand.
I have a feeling that if you’re a swinger, Ocean City is the vacation destination for you. I can’t say I’ve ever noticed upside-down pineapples on any front lawns, but I mean it's a dry town, and the only liquor store is across the bridge. Parents have to have fun somehow, right?
All jokes aside, Ocean City is a beautiful town. It’s a family town, sure, but it is great at what it's meant for. There are mini golf, bike rentals, and amusement rides lining the boardwalk. Shopping is mostly limited to touristy t-shirts and trinkets, but don’t worry, they put the most fragile items on the edge of the shelf, so when your kid knocks it over and breaks it, you’ll have to pay for it!
Long Beach Island
LBI, rarely ever referred to by its full name, is the place where tweens go to train for Jersey Shore summers before they turn 21. The Marlin is where you’ll find every person between the ages of 13-17 when they hold their “teen nights'' on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On every other day of the week, you’ll find them at house parties, beach parties, or swarming Bay Village trying to avoid the cops and looking for a discreet place to make out with each other.
LBI is also known for the Chicken or the Egg, more commonly referred to as the Chegg, because of its reputation for making the best hangover food, and I can’t say I disagree.
Stone Harbor
Stone Harbor is for the Rafe Camerons and Blaire Waldorfs of the world. They’re classy from a distance but if you get too close you might notice remnants of white powder in their nostrils. They spend most of their time shopping in overpriced boutiques with daddy’s credit card to make up for the fact that they peaked in high school.
However, there’s a reason those types of people choose Stone Harbor. It is home to some great shopping that, I think, makes for an excellent day trip. Beyond that, you may find yourself driving the fifteen minutes to Wildwood to visit the boardwalk that Stone Harbor lacks.
Asbury Park (editor's addition)
Asbury is where people come to get drunk and go to concerts at the Stone Pony. They also have some cool artwork on their boardwalk, which is mostly bars, restaurants, and shops. It’s a nice beach to chill at before a concert.
Long Branch (editor’s addition)
Besides Pier Village and a small town area, Long Branch doesn’t have many tourist attractions. This makes it a good residential area, besides the traffic and lack of parking by the beach. Long Branch is home to Monmouth University, so you can always find some good parties if you look hard enough. This is the location for the photoshoot!
Written by Madi Milchman
Pictures Shot and Edited by Andrew Lepping
Models: Fiah Cole, Cate Lepore
Editor Addition by Sophia Querrazzi