Alienation isn’t a fun feeling, as I’m sure many of us have experienced. New York City is the most densely populated city in the United States (Heacock, D. The Most (and Least) Densely Populated Cities in America), so maybe you’d expect to find friendship fairly easily. Although many events happen around the city, some free, many not free, it can feel very isolating to be here for an extended period of time–even if you have friends.
I would argue that going to a college or university is the best place to find friends, and on top of that, going to school in New York City provides an even larger background of people than your traditional college or university that has its own, distinct campus, not tucked in between other buildings or even sprawled out across an entire city. New York City in itself is diverse, and so is college. You’d think you can fit in anywhere if you’ve got both going on, right?
This isn’t to say that you won’t–this is to say that you absolutely will find your place. But that can be hard at first, or even after you’ve already established yourself.
For me, I’m waiting on my friends to come back to school, and all summer I’ve either been by myself or trying to go to local events that are interesting to me. I’ve gotten along with some amazing people, but I can’t seem to put myself out there and maintain the connections that I’ve made. I follow countless Instagram accounts, I message people whenever I am able to, and yet I find myself feeling lonely and even alienated at times here in the city.
It feels ironic, doesn’t it? With eight million people living in five boroughs of a city, the last thing you’d expect would be to feel out of place, but it happens. It’s hard at times to motivate myself to get out of my bedroom and out into the city, and while I absolutely love spending time with myself and traveling, humans are social creatures! We’re supposed to socialize with one another and connect.
Of course, I have a social battery that doesn’t last very long at times–and there are times I prefer to keep to myself rather than to go out with other people, but I shouldn’t let that get in the way of making meaningful memories and connections with others. In fact, I want to make these connections and memories most of the time. How do I do so when I feel like no one wants to be around me? Or maybe the people I’d rather be around are all busy?
I consider myself a confident person, of course! I think I’m a pleasure to have in class (as assured by many teachers throughout my formative years), but there’s just something so alienating at times in regard to being in the city. It’s hard to find events that I want to go to, I don’t talk to people as much as I’d like to, and everything costs MONEY!! Plus, everyone’s getting jobs and have less time to make plans–myself included, it feels.
It’s good to remind yourself at the end of the day that you’ve got yourself, but I’m afraid I don’t have much of a solution to solving this alienated feeling–rather sharing my own experience with it and how I’m navigating it (mostly solo travels to rejuvenate and reminders to stay true to myself). Be kind to yourself, and be confident that this too shall pass–you’ve got a place here on this Earth.
Written by Patty Murrill
Photography by Rose Miller
Talent: Taylor Miller